well i've survived thus far. i've survived my darkest hour and i've let go of everything preventing me from finding happiness. it's been fucking hard! there are so many times i just wanna drag a blad across my skin. i think i'm happy. i'm not sure though. i'm kinda scared of what being happy is, whats it like? is it good? i've always wanted it, but now it's within arms legnth i dont know what to do; i'm scared of letting go of the old me; either though it's time for change. >_<

i'm feeling pretty bad at the moment. confused guilt and hatred. i think i overstepped the line between 'justice' and 'revenge'. i'm not that sure.

some days i think having alzimers wouldn't be so bad.

i was told that i need to express my feelings. i skip parts. something happens and i react. there's rarely logic behind the way i react. and i can never figure it out. i try and try to pull out feelings in me. but they're stubbourn little fucks. i hope this helps.

i have to go. i'm stuck on what to say.

talk later.

sincerly, Jean